Why do therapist always talk about attachment & trauma?
Attachment is formed from the time we are born-- without it we die! We are beings that are meant to be connected to others. This is how we find safety in the world. Without attachment we wouldn't have any way of getting our needs and wants met. It is quite literally how we survive.
Attachment and trauma tend to go hand-in-hand because it is all about safety-- emotional safety and physical safety. Any time our safety is in question, it is considered trauma. This causes a neuropathway to be short circuited in the brain. This short circuit gets stuck in the lower part of the brain, designed to keep us safe! When this happens, whether the safety concern is "real" or perceived, the brain starts to wire differently. Over time, this wiring gets used even when it is not necessarily needed. This is a trauma response and can lead to difficulties in connecting as we get older.
As children, our only job is to survive. We do this and develop patterns around it (attachment styles). This means, we get our needs met in the only way that we know how. This can cause patterns of behavior that get needs met in the moment, but may not work long term. Or, it worked for getting needs met in our family of origin but no longer works for our friendships or partnerships.
Often times, we have a difficult time recognizing our own patterns or stopping them. We are part of a system that doesn't like to change, we like stability. So even if a pattern isn't really working, it can be difficult to change it! It often causes a lot of stress on the whole system to try to change (family members, friends, partners, children). This also can stir up old trauma, patterns, and cause chaos in the system. This is a beautiful chaos that shifts what isn't working and causes everything to have to adjust. This chaos can also be challenging to sit in at times. Shifting attachment patterns can also cause new boundaries to be set, old habits to leave, and provide new ways of needs being met. This ways often feel safer and are more secure. We can make new attachment patterns and have a new attachment style. This often helps to heal attachment wounds and old trauma.
To break it down in the most confusingly simple way possible... attachment is everything and everything is attachment. It is simply how we navigate our world, find connection, stay connected, feel safe, and find belonging. Trauma can cause a disruption to that attachment and can lead us to tell ourselves a story about why we are not safe. This is why both of these things are central to therapy-- it is about creating safety and secure attachments.